I haven't written in ages. This post tonight is actually the result of some minor insomnia.

I've got a lot on my mind lately. I don't know. I'm just confused...maybe a little scared...maybe a LOT scared!

I just got another promotion at work. Yay for me, right? Well, the only problem is this promotion is yanking me out of my "comfort zone." Not that people shouldn't ever be taken out of their comfort zone...I'm not saying that at all. I think it's a good test of someone's abilities to see just how good they are. I'm just scared. I'm no longer going to be at Circle Centre Mall. I've been there for almost 4 years....I know, I'm a mall rat. I just know everyone there and I know that business better than the back of my hand. Now they're throwing me into the middle of no man's land: Castleton. It's not that I don't think I'm up to it or that I can't handle the challenge or the business. It's not that at all...in fact, I think I have great potential to do extremely well there. I guess my problem with the whole situation is that I didn't really have a choice in the matter, and I also wasn't pursuing this promotion. It just sort of landed in my lap. Completely unexpected.

Yesterday all of the management got together for an 8-hour meeting. That meeting actually boosted my level of confidence. I feel like I could really belong with this group of people. It's so hard to really trust your gut though when you haven't actually experienced everything "for real." I'm used to running a store on 3 members of management, and at Castleton we have 7! That's a big change. That's 5 more people than what I'm used to, and 5 more people I'm going to have to get to know and trust. It's hard enough just going through that with one or 2 people, but I'm going to have to do that with and entire management team of 7! It's not that I don't trust any of them...if they didn't belong there, they wouldn't be there. I just feel like I'm starting all over instead of advancing. This wouldn't be so hard if it were like February or March...it's November. Christmas is the busiest time of year in retail and I have to deal with that on top of everything else. I know I'm going to be exhausted, and I just hope my friends understand that.

I am excited about this, don't get me wrong. I really am looking forward to proving to myself and everyone else that I'm capable of something greater. I guess the main thing that scares me is failure. I've never really failed tremendously at anything. I honestly don't think I'll fail, but never say never (to keep you grounded).

It's now 2:30am and I'm supposed to be at work in 8 hours. I couldn't sleep a wink if I wanted to. The anxiosness is really torturing me. It's like when you're little (or, in my case, 22) and you can't sleep on Christmas Eve becuase you're so excited to see what Mom wrapped up for you and slapped a sticker on that reads "From: Santa." It's just like that, except the excitement is paired with nervousness. I just don't know how people are going to react to me. Quite frankly, based on what I've heard, I don't care to make friends at this place on the associate level (management is a different story)...I don't care if they hate my guts. I just don't want it to become an awful working environment.

I just need to get my thoughts down. I haven't ever really had to do anything like this before. I'm confident that this will be a good change. I'm just unfamiliar I guess you could say. I'll have to post again in like a week. It could be a completely different story in a week. I could be riding with a one way ticket to paradise.... or hell. Don't mistake my sarcasm for negativity...

Well, I'm off to dreamland....eventually. I can't write anymore about this. I've got that feeling like I wanna puke...like when I found out about Jim. Anyone who reads this, please keep Jim and his family in your thoughts. It's a tragedy that someone so young has been taken from us. Live every day like it's your last!

I want a beer.